Where Steven Comes to Waste Time

The End?

2007-02-10T14:35:00.000-08:00

I decided to end this blog for several reasons.

In light of the title, I haven't had much time to waste lately. School has been keeping me busy and in addition, I am writing a research paper and job hunting.

Also, now that the bar exam is behind me, there really isnt much to write about. My schedule has pretty much been the same: school, homework, and sleep. Other than recent events, that's it.

Finally, Ive lost interest in blogging. Now that Im an attorney, a part of me tells me that I should be careful what I say, especially online. Especially since I am sure there are a few readers who know me outside of this blog.

So now what? I suppose I will take the CPA exam just for the hell of it. With all of the classes I have taken so far, may as well go for it. I just havent set a date yet. But perhaps I will at some point take it seriously.

As for my love life, Im sure I'll find the special someone eventually. If not, then that's fine too. While everyone should experience true love at some point in their lives, not everyone is suited for a long term commitment.

Will I come back? Its possible, but not likely. If I do, it will most likely be in a new blog with a new identity. In it, I hope to establish myself as a more confident person with many opportunities open to me.

So to the readers past and present, I want to thank you for joining me in my miserable journey through the dreaded California Bar Exam. It took several tries, but I finally made it. There were definitely lessons I have learned. I sincerely wish you well.

Closure

2007-01-29T21:31:00.000-08:00

I got an email from the crush and she wants to hang out sometime. From the tone of her email, it looks like we'll be going back to old times. And I'm happy with that.

As Humphrey Bogart said in Casablanca, "We'll always have Paris."

Am I overanalytical?

2007-01-29T14:29:00.000-08:00

I finally got some real sleep last night. In my dream, I saw the crush hanging out and laughing with someone I know. It must have been pretty bad because it woke me up. While I am certain that I have accepted the reality of our relationship (or lack thereof), I think my subconscious mind wanted more answers before it can let go.

I suppose because so little has happened that afternoon there are many questions left unanswered. But in a situation like this, there are three problems: First, it will be difficult, perhaps impossible to get the answers from the crush. Second, for each question answered, at least one more follow up question will arise, creating a possibly endless cycle of questions and pondering. Finally, even if I could get all of the answers, they are ultimately irrelevant because it won't change anything.

So I suppose it will take more time before my subconscious can move on. As annoying as it is, I suppose in the bigger scheme of things, it makes finding the right person a very special moment.

The chicken or the egg?

2007-01-28T09:38:00.000-08:00

For the last week, I have had trouble sleeping. I took sleeping pills for a few days but the relief seemed only temporary and I decided to get off of them.

Last night may have provided more insight. I went to a friend's house where we drank, smoked, shared my misery stories and then played some darts. I got an email from a classmate who took pictures of me and the crush. When I looked at the picture, I couldn't recall the last time I looked so happy. Surprisingly, the picture didn't really affect me at the time. I digress. I went to bed in a relatively good mood and a full stomach. I thought I wouldn't need the sleeping pills this time.

I slept for approximately 2.5 hours. I woke up around 3 AM and when I realized that I wasn't sleeping, I just started thinking. And thinking and thinking some more. That's when those sad feelings seemed to creep up again. So it seems like the lack of sleep is causing my sadness, rather than vice versa.

So for the rest of the day, I decided not to take any stimulants whatsoever. I'll exercise a bit and watch what I eat. I hope that once I can get some sleep again, things will get better.

Lucid dream?

2007-01-26T16:55:00.000-08:00

Wow it has been a long time, hasn't it?

Unfortunately, I return to the blogosphere with a sad story.

Its been a long time since I had a crush on someone. Since Im older now, I thought those days were gone. But last week, it really came back with a passion.

For the most part, we knew each other professionally and even then, I was somewhat attracted to her, although at the time I didn't think I was her type.

Without getting into details, the two of us shared a moment together. The setting was perfect. I put my arm around her waist and she reciprocated. She then hinted that she might be interested in me.

A few days later, I invited her to lunch but she said that she was too busy. I realized that we may have spent too much time together and maybe she needed some space. So yesterday, I sent her an email asking her to call me if she had some free time. She hasn't written back and I'm betting she won't.

I guess Im trying to comprehend the sudden change of heart. Maybe she had too much to drink that day. Maybe I did something wrong. Maybe the moment was just a lucid dream. Who knows? But I really cant hate her for not being attracted to me. The most I can do is wish her well and wait for the next perfect wave. After all, if we were together, I would want her to be happy.

I dont see her these days so I thought I would it best to just let her be and maybe one day say hi if we run into each other sometime.

I hate women sometimes.

2006-12-02T12:04:00.000-08:00

Welcome to another episode of "I hate women sometimes."
Today's topic is: talking in the library.

Final exams. Most people (including myself) go to the library to prepare for upcoming exams. I try to ensure that I emit the least noise as possible:

1. Cell phone is on vibrate.
2. Volume on the computer is turned off.
3. On-site conversations are limited to less than 30 seconds in a whisper tone.
4. If conversations are expected to last more than 30 seconds, I direct myself and the other person(s) to another area so that I do not disturb others.

I was under the impression that law students are a cut above the rest in terms of maturity and would try to follow the above rules. But not in this one library.

Every once in a while, someone starts a conversation in a room. Usually with guys, they tend to be a bit louder but the conversation last less than 30 seconds before the conversation ends or they decide to go elsewhere. And typically the conversations are limited to a class subject or something short.

But not women. They blabber on in the library about how their AIM or MSN messenger isn't working, gossip, Brangelina or Tomkat, teacher complaints, a long-winded explanation of the difference between res ipsa loquitur and res judicata or some other useless crap in addition to the usual chuckle. I sometimes wonder if they know the difference between a library and Starbucks (Ironically where they tend to be quieter.) Its particularly annoying to see these women sit together in the library and yet I constantly hear them whisper to each other, "I don't understand this." I don't mean to generalize, but I have not seen any men pull crap like this.

How do people like this get into law school in the first place? Did the admissions committee select them so that the school won't be full of quiet drones?

If you happen to be one of these women, either SHUT UP or go to the mall! The rest of us may not say anything, but we do notice and one day, you might piss off the wrong person.

Off to exams.

2006-11-30T19:55:00.000-08:00

Just when I thought I would be done studying...Final exams are coming.

I'll be studying for the next few weeks.

So I wish everyone a Merry Chr...er Happy Holidays!

Hopefully I'll be sworn in by the time I get back.

Talk to me!

2006-11-28T19:49:00.000-08:00

(deleted) May 25, 2007

For those who didn't pass...

2006-11-26T19:43:00.000-08:00

I'll bet you didn't do as bad as this person...

The MBE was harder?

2006-11-26T14:35:00.000-08:00

Apparently, this exam's grading curve was a bit more forgiving. I applied my July 2005 scores to this year's grading formula and my overall score improved by nine points. Still not enough to pass though.

In July 2006, the mean score of the MBE for CA applicants was a raw score of 135 translating into a scaled score of 1451. The national average MBE score was a raw score of 133.
In July 2005, the mean MBE score for CA takers was also a raw score of 135 but the scaled score was 1436. The national average was a raw score of 132.

I am posting this info because I and some other repeaters thought the MBE this time was a lot harder than last July. But apparently, there doesn't seem to be that much of a difference.

What now?

2006-11-24T12:13:00.000-08:00

Over the last few days, I got congratulatory handshakes, hugs, phone calls, and emails.

Among my classmates and other former law students, the most frequent question I had to answer was: "How did you do it without taking a bar review course?" There's a long and short answer to this question and for obvious reasons I gave them the short answer: "I thought I could pass without it."

I talked to a few of my classmates who didn't pass the exam....again. The thought of studying for the test again makes me want to puke.
One scored in the high 1300's, which was a little lower than than the February test but was an improvement from last July.
Another scored in the mid 1300's. I forgot this person's past scores but I'm guessing there was no improvement.

One bad thing that came out of this ordeal was that I started smoking again. The nerve-wracking experience of waiting and worrying compelled me to take it up again. I thought I could quit after I found out, but the addiction wont let me off the hook so easily. I think I should be able to kick the habit over the weekend. Usually I am able to quit by not having a cigarette for 24 hours.

Old junk

2006-11-22T07:42:00.000-08:00

First of all, I should apologize for the earlier post regarding the bar scores. I erased and rewrote it. The main reason for the post was that I was severely intoxicated. It's also easier in hindsight to chastise and forget how hard the test is. On the other hand, since I am also a repeater, I know firsthand what it is like to fail. Despite my close score, I knew at the time that I didn't prepare adequately.

Anyway, I gathered up all of my bar prep materials. I can't wait to get rid of them.

In case you're wondering why I have so many books, its just that I didn't take a bar review course. I had to scrounge these materials myself from friends and various stores. They include audio tapes, CDs, and outlines going back to the 1970s. I was surprised to see that the MBE subjects haven't changed much over the last 30 years (except Con Law).

I sent an email out to my friends and old classmates telling them I have bar exam materials to give away. Hopefully I can get rid of them before the weekend.

Aftermath

2006-11-20T14:52:00.000-08:00

Well, its been a long weekend. In fact, its been so long that Im even resting today. Its almost hard to believe that I am back in the real world. I have to keep reminding myself that exams are coming up in a few weeks.

I just received the state bar's care package.

For those in the know, I didn't notice this before but it looks like the examiners replaced the use of the social security number and replaced it with a "file number" instead. After all, you don't want one of your graders to lose a stack of tests with individual SSNs. Wouldn't that suck?

Redemption and advice

2006-11-19T23:59:00.000-08:00

Congratulations to everyone who passed!

As a repeater, passing the July exam feels particularly good. It feels almost as good as passing the first time. The atmosphere of the February exam doesn't feel as competitive. At that time, I entered the exam knowing that most of the examinees were in the same situation as I was. I wasn't as nervous (until that one point...) and I thought I had more leeway since the grading curve would be more forgiving. In other words, I didn't have that sense of urgency that I did in July.

Here's how I did last July. I cannot disclose the exact numbers, but Im sure you get the idea.

I can't find my February 2006 results at the moment, but trust me...it is a joke. The score is so bad that anyone would understand that I had no control over it.

Unfortunately, I noticed that some people didn't pass. I applaud you for making the difficult decision to blog your results. Take a hard look at your score and see where you went wrong. I recommend the following advice based on your score:

1390-1439 - Close but no cigar. It is important that you look at your score very carefully.
Essays - Look for discrepancies in your scores in the writing section. If you scored consistently low, then you should focus more of your time on issue spotting skills. On the other hand, if you scored high on some and low on others, then chances are you were gambling on Barbri's predictions (or made some similar gamble). In that case, you should spend more of your study time on your weak subjects. The good thing is that your writing skills probably do not need much improvement, unless you got below a 65 on an essay.

MBEs - do more practice questions, focusing particularly on sections where you got less than 20 questions right.

As for the PTs, I am not sure what advice to give about this. In July 2005, I was totally lost on the 2nd PT. My answer did not make any sense. The answer was just totally off. To this day, I have no idea how I broke a 60 score. But last July, things were different. While I was studing for the exam, I don't think I did more than 10 of them. But I understood the facts better. I figured out how to structure the answer and extract the rules. I even managed to come up with some creative advice.

Be optimistic. Most people pass the next time around.

1300-1389 -
For the most part, the above advice also applies, but chances are you got this score because you royally screwed up on one of the three sections. Obviously, you will need to spend a majority of your study time improving this area.

You also probably got below a 60 on at least one of the essay questions. If this is the case, you will also need to reevaluate and improve your essay writing format. How to do that is beyond the scope of this post (and this blog). You should seek additional help or just keep working on practice essays until you understand how to write the essay correctly.

400-1299
If you got below a 1300, you will need to start over. If you took a bar review course, demand your money back and go to a different program. Also, you may even have to ask yourself whether taking the exam will be worth your time. Remember, the exam costs $600, lodging will cost extra, in addition to the lost time for studying.
I also think that most people got this score because they did not give it their best. That's the reason why I failed last time. If you cannot give it your best, perhaps it is better to wait until you can.

0-399
Dude, did you make it past the first day? (If you get the joke, you may laugh.)

A few people seemed to blame their loss on personal problems. It happens to all of us, but unfortunately, the bar exam does not take it into account when grading your score. You'll have to deal with them or learn to live with them. But you can't let them get in your way.

BREAK OUT THE BEER CUZ IM BUYING!!!!!!!!

2006-11-17T18:19:00.000-08:00

How to capture and post your bar results screen: click here

Last minute thoughts, part 2

2006-11-17T17:02:00.000-08:00

Well, this is the 11th hour. I could go on and on about what I did right but I'll just leave it to fate. I am going to spend the remaining time doing what I do best -- play video games.

I will try to have the results posted before midnight.

I wish everyone the best of luck.

Last minute thoughts, part 1

2006-11-17T11:15:00.000-08:00

Today, three movies are playing on HBO: Rudy, Cinderella Man, and Field of Dreams. Faith is the common theme of these movies. Was this a sign?

Just to recap, this is how it went. My score on last July's test was a little above 1400, which means that I came close to passing. I knew I blew at least four of the essay questions and one of the performance test questions. I arrogantly didn't take BarBri or any bar review course. Yet I came so close. Why?

A good friend of mine who graduated with me did a lot worse. He was in law review, moot court and had a reputation for being a hard worker. He spent a lot of money on a bar review course. I found out that his July 2005 score was somewhere in the high 1200's! And last February, his score was in the low 1300's. Why is that? Since we live over a hundred miles away, it wasn't possible for us to share our stories in any detail. Anyway, he probably wouldn't want to and I wouldn't blame him. Perhaps things were going on in his life that I didn't know about.

Unlike the first timers, I have the benefit of a failed exam which I can use as a reference point. But Im beginning to wonder whether my score last year was inflated considering the crappy job I did. Maybe I had a generous grader last year, and now I have a tough grader.

I know I did better than last year. I just hope the same person who graded mine last year will grade mine again this year.

I'll be back.

One day left...

2006-11-16T16:14:00.000-08:00

First of all, I know its been a while. Its mainly because not a whole lot has happened since the last time I wrote. I have been mainly focusing on classes and working on a research paper.

Like I said previously, I feel optimistic about my results.

Im just trying to keep busy at this point. If not, I'll be pacing and wondering about what's going to happen.

For those of you who are keeping track, here are the rules:
I will post whether I have passed or not before Saturday 11/18.
If I fail, you can laugh at me all you want.
If I pass, I will be hanging out at "the bar" in downtown LA for most of the night.

Apathy

2006-09-18T00:26:00.000-07:00

I realize I haven't been posting as regularly as I used to. There are several reasons, but the main reason is that the bar exam is over and I am awaiting results. Perhaps if I changed the purpose of this blog to become my online diary...nah...I probably would have been just as lazy.

Since the results are almost two months away, there isn't much to worry about. Although sometimes, in the dark corner of my mind, I dread about the thought of studying again. While I feel good about most of my answers, I still worry about having to study for it again. Wow..only 60 days away?

Anyway, what's been going on lately? For starters, some people are getting married this month. A good friend of mine from law school, a classmate's older sister out of state, and some others. And here I am single. Oh well. Maybe next year. Although I'm not really in a hurry to tie the knot.

As for school, I'm taking one class that is really kicking my butt. Although my class load is not that demanding, this class is the equivalent of taking three classes. Maybe its because we have to know 100 different tax laws...before the fourth week of school! To make things worse, financial aid is being a pain. If I don't resolve this soon, I'll have to pay my loans. Darn.

Happy 9/11 day!

2006-09-11T23:04:00.000-07:00

I look back to what I was doing that day...

I was sleeping at my parents' house. Around 6:45 AM, I faintly heard my sister say to my mother, "Someone crashed a plane into the World Trade Center." I immediately got up and turned on the TV. Every TV station was focused on the towers. I thought that it might have been an accident, but once the 2nd plane hit the second tower, I knew that this was planned.

School was cancelled that day, and I cancelled my plans for the day. My sister, who worked in one of those tall buildings in downtown was on standby, but was told not to come to work that day. My father also worked in the downtown and he also contemplated staying home, but later left since he worked in an area which was unlikely to get hit.

My first thought was whether someone was going to go nuclear. But I dismissed it thinking that if the terrorists had nukes, they would have used that instead of taking the risk of hijacking planes. My next thought is whether they were going to hit the west coast. All flights that day were cancelled, so I didn't expect to see planes crashing anytime soon. Although car bombs or random violence was also likely.

The rest of the day was a blur. I stayed fixated to the TV, watching the towers fall, and seeing everyone in NY panic as if it was Armageddon. I was waiting for news that order was restored and that the people who did this were identified. I knew that whoever did this was Middle-Eastern/Muslim.

I kinda wondered, is killing Osama Bin Laden worth killing 1 million non-Americans?

I'll get back to you on that.

Insomnia

2006-09-07T03:59:00.000-07:00

I don't know what's been wrong with me lately. I haven't been able to sleep right the last seven days. I think I averaged three to four hours at most the last three days.

I thought it was the recent heat. It has been dreadfully hot the last few weeks. There were a few times where I even broke a sweat while I was sleeping.

I also thought it may have been caffeine. Usually this is not a problem as I don't drink caffeine unless it was a hardcore study night.

Maybe its my eating habits. Since I'm turning 30 this month, I tried to eat healthier (tried...yeah).

Its just frustrating.

Death of a computer

2006-09-01T18:37:00.000-07:00

Im back.

For the last seven days, I was without a computer. The stupid thing caught on fire (sort of) in the school library.

Now school has started, although I am more interested in finding a job during the day.

Overreaction?

2006-08-21T01:37:00.000-07:00

One night, I was having dinner with my parents.

While I was finishing up, my father looked at my plate and said something like, "You left some bits on the plate. Finish it up." At that point, something inside me snapped. I stopped eating and stormed out of the dining room. Looking back, my actions seemed unexpected.

Later, my mother asked me what happened. I told her that I was sick and tired of my father telling me how to eat. She said that "that's just the way he is...don't make such a big deal out of it." I then told her that I hate it in general whenever he makes a big deal over such little things. My mother said that he thought that my current eating habits (leaving bits of food on the table) was not the best display of etiquette.

Before I go on, I should explain the relationship between my father and I: We don't have one. We don't hate each other. It's just that my father was never around when I was younger and we hardly ever did anything together. So in a sense, we don't really know each other. But I understand and respect his reasons for doing what he did. I doubt we would have had any fun together anyway, at least not these days.

I am actually around a lot my parents a lot but I hardly ever talk to my father. I was hoping that if I (or a brother or sister) got married and had a kid, I would let him/her spend a lot of time with my parents so that they can pass on their wisdom to him/her.

Anyway, I told my mom that I think it's too late for my father to try to teach me certain things.
I am going to be 30 soon and if my father wanted to play "belated dad", I thought the best thing for him to do was to at least teach me things that are more relevant to my age.

Maybe I overreacted. Perhaps the more prudent option would have been to 1) finish eating the remaining bits and make him feel better, 2) tell him I'd rather not or 3) just ignore him. Its just that in my experience, no one cares if you left bits of food on the plate once you were finished eating. To put it another way, I don't think many people will look down on my eating habits or my personal etiquette. If I was eating with someone and I noticed him/her making sure that she ate every single pea or every kernel of rice, for the most part, I wouldn't think anything of it. But a small part of me would think that this person was extremely anal retentive.

Back to School

2006-08-18T12:15:00.000-07:00

I received my school ID card this week, which means I have three law school ID cards for my collection. Orientation is coming soon. I'm guessing there's going to be a tour of the campus, a meet the professors and staff session, and hopefully a free meal. Since it will be on a Friday night, I suppose some people might want to check out the nightlife afterwards.

Classes begin next week, but I haven't signed up for any yet. My usual strategy is to sit in on all of the classes in my available time slots and pick the ones I like at the end of the first or second week. This way, I can get a sense of which professors are boring, hard-nosed, demanding, etc. Since law school is focused heavily on grades, one has to be practical about choosing classes.

Since you asked about the wisdom teeth, I haven't given it much thought lately (I blame it on post-bar exam trauma.) I hope to make an appointment with the dentist sometime next month, but I'm not sure what's going to happen with classes, work, etc. To recap, I need to have three of my wisdom teeth removed, one of them using a special technique - which I forgot what it was.

Anyway, remember when I said that I would quit smoking? I relapsed again for a short time earlier this week. During my three day hump, I went out with some friends. Over dinner and some drinks, we split a pack of cigs. The next day, I was craving for them again. I huffed and puffed for another week before I got the nerve to quit again. It's been two days now. Let's see how long this will last...

CPA exam? GMAT?

2006-08-15T01:06:00.000-07:00

Here's a long post to make up for the lack of recent posts:

First of all, I emptied out my desk today and now it looks like this:

I'll figure out a suitable arrangement hopefully by the end of the week.

I considered studying for the CPA exam. I bought this book to get an idea of what the test is all about:

On first glance, there is a lot more material covered on the CPA exam. While I knew that the exam was divided into four separate parts, I didn't know that each "part" had several sub-parts.

Based on what this book covers, I am certain I will have to take a review class. I am praying that my employer will pay for the review course. I know most of the bigger CPA firms do this for their entry level associates.

But to be honest, I am reluctant to make a serious effort into studying until I pass the bar exam. While I feel good about the results, I just want to take things one test at a time, especially considering that the tests will affect my future career in...um...something business-like...I guess...

So what are my other options?

I could study for this test:

That's right. B-school. The good thing about this test is that it is more abstract and is more geared towards understanding logic and reading comprehension (and the math section). There isn't much memorization required.

Once again, the question is whether I should take a prep class. I took a prep course for the LSAT (law school admissions test) and it did not help much. But then again, was I a different person back then?

I should point out that I am now sick of school. Since I already have one advanced degree, and one more on the way, the MBA may only be marginally useful to me. So long ago I decided that I will only apply to B-school if my GMAT score is in the 85th percentile (around 620-640) or better. Other than my expectations, I know little about the exam and it will take some time before I am fully informed about the exam.

I visited some of the other bar exam bloggers over the last few days. A number of them forgot about their blog after the bar exam. I'm guessing I won't see another post from them until days before the results - if I don't hear from them again, I assume they didn't get the good news. Others have posted regularly again and have returned to the real world. Some have even found jobs pretty quickly, which is commendable.

But the ones I follow on a regular basis are the repeaters, for obvious reasons. Unfortunately, most of them seem resigned to the fact that they have failed again. In general, their posts describe how they messed up on one essay question and complained about how the MBE's were harder than they thought. If any of them are reading this, I say this: be honest. If you think you passed, then just say so. Almost all of them are writing anonymously so I really don't see the point in beating around the bush about it. But I suppose for a few people insecurity knows no bounds (and they want to be attorneys?)

I see my whiny attitude is kicking in, which means that I should go to sleep soon. BTW, a smoking issue came up. I should write about it soon.