Where Steven Comes to Waste Time

I decided to end this blog for several reasons.

In light of the title, I haven't had much time to waste lately. School has been keeping me busy and in addition, I am writing a research paper and job hunting.

Also, now that the bar exam is behind me, there really isnt much to write about. My schedule has pretty much been the same: school, homework, and sleep. Other than recent events, that's it.

Finally, Ive lost interest in blogging. Now that Im an attorney, a part of me tells me that I should be careful what I say, especially online. Especially since I am sure there are a few readers who know me outside of this blog.

So now what? I suppose I will take the CPA exam just for the hell of it. With all of the classes I have taken so far, may as well go for it. I just havent set a date yet. But perhaps I will at some point take it seriously.

As for my love life, Im sure I'll find the special someone eventually. If not, then that's fine too. While everyone should experience true love at some point in their lives, not everyone is suited for a long term commitment.

Will I come back? Its possible, but not likely. If I do, it will most likely be in a new blog with a new identity. In it, I hope to establish myself as a more confident person with many opportunities open to me.

So to the readers past and present, I want to thank you for joining me in my miserable journey through the dreaded California Bar Exam. It took several tries, but I finally made it. There were definitely lessons I have learned. I sincerely wish you well.

Steven was not studying at 2:35 PM | Permalink | Comments

I got an email from the crush and she wants to hang out sometime. From the tone of her email, it looks like we'll be going back to old times. And I'm happy with that.

As Humphrey Bogart said in Casablanca, "We'll always have Paris."

Steven was not studying at 9:31 PM | Permalink | Comments

I finally got some real sleep last night. In my dream, I saw the crush hanging out and laughing with someone I know. It must have been pretty bad because it woke me up. While I am certain that I have accepted the reality of our relationship (or lack thereof), I think my subconscious mind wanted more answers before it can let go.

I suppose because so little has happened that afternoon there are many questions left unanswered. But in a situation like this, there are three problems: First, it will be difficult, perhaps impossible to get the answers from the crush. Second, for each question answered, at least one more follow up question will arise, creating a possibly endless cycle of questions and pondering. Finally, even if I could get all of the answers, they are ultimately irrelevant because it won't change anything.

So I suppose it will take more time before my subconscious can move on. As annoying as it is, I suppose in the bigger scheme of things, it makes finding the right person a very special moment.

Steven was not studying at 2:29 PM | Permalink | Comments

For the last week, I have had trouble sleeping. I took sleeping pills for a few days but the relief seemed only temporary and I decided to get off of them.

Last night may have provided more insight. I went to a friend's house where we drank, smoked, shared my misery stories and then played some darts. I got an email from a classmate who took pictures of me and the crush. When I looked at the picture, I couldn't recall the last time I looked so happy. Surprisingly, the picture didn't really affect me at the time. I digress. I went to bed in a relatively good mood and a full stomach. I thought I wouldn't need the sleeping pills this time.

I slept for approximately 2.5 hours. I woke up around 3 AM and when I realized that I wasn't sleeping, I just started thinking. And thinking and thinking some more. That's when those sad feelings seemed to creep up again. So it seems like the lack of sleep is causing my sadness, rather than vice versa.

So for the rest of the day, I decided not to take any stimulants whatsoever. I'll exercise a bit and watch what I eat. I hope that once I can get some sleep again, things will get better.

Steven was not studying at 9:38 AM | Permalink | Comments

Wow it has been a long time, hasn't it?

Unfortunately, I return to the blogosphere with a sad story.

Its been a long time since I had a crush on someone. Since Im older now, I thought those days were gone. But last week, it really came back with a passion.

For the most part, we knew each other professionally and even then, I was somewhat attracted to her, although at the time I didn't think I was her type.

Without getting into details, the two of us shared a moment together. The setting was perfect. I put my arm around her waist and she reciprocated. She then hinted that she might be interested in me.

A few days later, I invited her to lunch but she said that she was too busy. I realized that we may have spent too much time together and maybe she needed some space. So yesterday, I sent her an email asking her to call me if she had some free time. She hasn't written back and I'm betting she won't.

I guess Im trying to comprehend the sudden change of heart. Maybe she had too much to drink that day. Maybe I did something wrong. Maybe the moment was just a lucid dream. Who knows? But I really cant hate her for not being attracted to me. The most I can do is wish her well and wait for the next perfect wave. After all, if we were together, I would want her to be happy.

I dont see her these days so I thought I would it best to just let her be and maybe one day say hi if we run into each other sometime.

Steven was not studying at 4:55 PM | Permalink | Comments

Welcome to another episode of "I hate women sometimes."
Today's topic is: talking in the library.

Final exams. Most people (including myself) go to the library to prepare for upcoming exams. I try to ensure that I emit the least noise as possible:

1. Cell phone is on vibrate.
2. Volume on the computer is turned off.
3. On-site conversations are limited to less than 30 seconds in a whisper tone.
4. If conversations are expected to last more than 30 seconds, I direct myself and the other person(s) to another area so that I do not disturb others.

I was under the impression that law students are a cut above the rest in terms of maturity and would try to follow the above rules. But not in this one library.

Every once in a while, someone starts a conversation in a room. Usually with guys, they tend to be a bit louder but the conversation last less than 30 seconds before the conversation ends or they decide to go elsewhere. And typically the conversations are limited to a class subject or something short.

But not women. They blabber on in the library about how their AIM or MSN messenger isn't working, gossip, Brangelina or Tomkat, teacher complaints, a long-winded explanation of the difference between res ipsa loquitur and res judicata or some other useless crap in addition to the usual chuckle. I sometimes wonder if they know the difference between a library and Starbucks (Ironically where they tend to be quieter.) Its particularly annoying to see these women sit together in the library and yet I constantly hear them whisper to each other, "I don't understand this." I don't mean to generalize, but I have not seen any men pull crap like this.

How do people like this get into law school in the first place? Did the admissions committee select them so that the school won't be full of quiet drones?

If you happen to be one of these women, either SHUT UP or go to the mall! The rest of us may not say anything, but we do notice and one day, you might piss off the wrong person.

Steven was not studying at 12:04 PM | Permalink | Comments

Just when I thought I would be done studying...Final exams are coming.

I'll be studying for the next few weeks.

So I wish everyone a Merry Chr...er Happy Holidays!

Hopefully I'll be sworn in by the time I get back.

Steven was not studying at 7:55 PM | Permalink | Comments

(deleted) May 25, 2007

Steven was not studying at 7:49 PM | Permalink | Comments